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11 April 2014 ~ 2 Comments

“If You Love Me You’ll Have Sex With Me”

broken heartIt’s a classic ploy teenage boys pull to get their girlfriends to have sex with them.

“C’mon baby, you will if you love me.”

This is completely unloving and manipulative behavior for these teens. Sex is an inappropriate expression of love outside of marriage.

And yet, there is a nugget of truth to these selfish requests.

Sex is a valid and even essential expression of love and commitment within marriage.This is true for both men and women, though I think that men often feel this need more potently.

In many marriages sex is shoved aside, like it is just some fringe benefit of signing the marriage contract.

Or worse, it is treated as something base, carnal and dirty that needs to be kept locked up and let out only when the beast is out of control.

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01 April 2014 ~ 0 Comments

The Proper Care and Feeding of Your Marriage

Marriage GardenThink of your marriage as a garden.

If you’ve ever tried gardening, you know it requires constant attention. You have to provide food, water and sunlight in order for the plants to thrive. You need to pull weeds, handle pests and take care of the soil. A garden will thrive when you intentionally take the time to care for it.

Killing a garden, on the other hand, is easy. You don’t even have to choose to kill it, it will shrivel and wilt on it’s own if you simply don’t choose to tend it.

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27 March 2014 ~ 0 Comments

“Don’t Change Me!” – 4 Ways to Inspire Spiritual Growth In Your Spouse

inspires spiritual growth

The other day I was watching one of the polygamy reality shows on TV. I don’t agree with polygamy, but I do think that watching these shows gives an interesting look into a different family and marriage structure.

The husband on the show started a policy of “safe talks” among his wives. Basically, he wanted them to feel safe bringing their issues to each other. If one wife was having problems with another, he wanted the offended wife to feel safe in approaching the offender.

One wife was a bit more vocal than the others and apparently she had accidentally offended some of them. They came to her wanting to have “safe talks” and she felt very judged and felt insecure for having caused the offenses.

So she went to the husband because she didn’t think the policy would work for her. She felt that he was pressuring her to be open to these talks. During the argument she said “Don’t change me!”

This echoes common marriage advice that you can’t and shouldn’t try to change your spouse. I think this is bad advice.

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15 March 2014 ~ 2 Comments

Should Marriage Make You Happy or Holy?

Gary Thomas Quote

“God wants me to be happy and my husband isn’t making me happy, so I’m going to break my marriage vows, cheat on my spouse, then divorce him, destroying my family and that of my lover in the process in the name of happiness and love.”

The above statement is completely ridiculous, of course.

Except that it isn’t. The ridiculous thing is that Christians are having affairs and getting divorced every day, with pretty much this exact rationalization.

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01 March 2014 ~ 1 Comment

Married to an Emotional Turtle? How to Coax Him Out of His Shell

Emotional Turtle

Some time ago I wrote a post about how wives can deal with an emotionally distant husband. That post was mostly on how to understand why your husband is so closed off and how to use that knowledge to extend grace. In this post I will share some tips on how you can actually help him open up to you.

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12 February 2014 ~ 1 Comment

What Everyone Gets Wrong About Love and Respect

Love and respect not feelings

I’m a huge believer in the concept of love and respect. I also believe they go both ways, husbands and wives both need love and respect. However, there is one important area where I may not agree with the majority on this subject.

Many people talk about the importance of making your spouse feel loved or respected. I think that they believe it is the duty of a husband to make sure his wife feels loved, and likewise it is the duty of a wife to make her husband feel respected. The problem with this is that it takes headship away from the husband and holds the marriage captive to   emotions.

Even if you believe in mutual submission (which I don’t), headship is not in the hands of the couple or Christ in this scenario. This is because emotions are very difficult to control.
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12 February 2014 ~ 0 Comments

Trusting in God Through Life’s Tough Times (and the Power of Worship)

worshipI remember clearly the day I became saved.

I had actually prayed the prayer before this, at a very young age. I think I was to young to really understand what I was praying,  and I’m not sure if it counted. Maybe, but I’m doubtful.

But I do remember when that changed. [...]

02 February 2014 ~ 2 Comments

Can You Build A More Intimate Marriage With This One Simple Hack?

Marriage HackToday I want to share a simple hack from the business productivity world that you can use to build deeper intimacy in your marriage.

This hack is known as the Pareto principle, sometimes called the 80/20 rule. In its most basic form, the Pareto principle states that 80 percent of a cause results in 20 percent of an effect (or vice versa). There are many variations to this rule, such as:

  • 80% of books are sold by 20% of authors
  • 80% the wealth is controlled by 20% of the population
  • 80% of marketing results in 20% of sales
  • 80% of your efforts produce 20% of your results

It’s this last one that we want to look at. In business, this means that 80% of what the employees spend their time on isn’t doing much to help the company. Conversely, only 20% of time is spent on tasks that actually get results. Productivity coaches teach executives, managers, and employees to weed out those ineffective tasks and instead focus their time and effort on the other 20% that get 80% of the results.

So how can you apply this simple principle to your marriage?

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16 January 2014 ~ 0 Comments

7 Things Your Wife Needs To Hear You Say This Week

Words of Affirmation

I’m a big believer in the power of your words to improve your marriage.

It is all too easy to forget this power. You can easily get so caught up in the day to day routine that the opportunities to encourage and appreciate your wife can slip away before you know it.

Yet taking a few seconds each day to let your wife know you value her is one of the simplest, most powerful things you can do to strengthen your relationship. It has the amazing ability to warm her heart, make her feel loved and give her a sense of security and confidence in your relationship. [...]

02 November 2013 ~ 4 Comments

How to Deal With Conflict in Marriage

handling conflict in marriageI used to scoff when someone would say that you can’t have a healthy marriage without fighting. I thought that fighting was a bad thing, and so obviously a couple that fights often must not have a healthy relationship.

But the reality is that we are all fallen people living in a sinful world. Anytime you get two people living in close quarters together there is going plenty of fuel for arguments. This is especially true when you have kids, because with each kid you are adding another fallen person into the mix, and one who is still developing their sense of right and wrong.

And there is nothing inherently wrong with conflict itself. In fact, learning to deal with conflict in a healthy way is an important part of building a successful marriage.

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