God's Help For Marriage

One of the best ways to learn what Godly masculinity looks like is to look at the lives of men in the Bible. We can see examples of what these men did right and what they did that was wrong.

In this post I will be taking a look at the life of King David, one of the most masculine men in the whole Bible. [...]

Do you know what it’s like to be in a spiritual desert?

I do. I’ve been in one for several years.

As a teen and young adult, I used to feel very emotionally and spiritually close to God.

I was excited to go to church and to the youth group that met every week. In fact, church was probably my favorite place to be.

At times, I would almost devour my Bible. I could spend hours reading and praying. I had a goal of reading the whole Bible (which I never quite fulfilled).

And I loved worship. I loved the sense of spiritual closeness to God that I felt when singing worship music. It didn’t matter if I was by myself or at a formal gathering, I simply couldn’t get enough of it.

Isn’t it sad how growing up can cause you to lose that youthful enthusiasm?

It’s been a very long time since I’ve felt consistently close to God. Sure, I’ve found some oases (the plural of oasis) as I’ve wandered the desert. At times, I even thought the oasis was the jungle at the edge of the desert. But soon the water would dry up and I’d be back to wandering again.

The desert is a dry and empty place. It has a way of sucking the joy out of you. You start to grow apathetic. You find it hard to even care that you’re lost. After a while, it becomes the norm. You grow comfortable with the desert. You learn where to find just enough water and food to get by. You’re never truly fulfilled, but at least you’re doing something, even if it is just wandering in hopeless circles.

[...]

Being a Godly man in today’s culture isn’t always easy. We are ridiculed for our old fashioned beliefs, such as the idea that we have been placed in a position of authority over our wives. We are treated like criminals and abusers if we are caught spanking our misbehaving children. The idea that there is an absolute morality and only one true religion makes us intolerant bigots. And the belief in a God who lovingly chose to create us rather than the random chance of evolution makes us ignorant zealots who would keep us in the dark ages because of our refusal to accept scientific “fact”.

And yet, never more has the world needed Godly husbands, fathers, and leaders more than it does now. The moral ambiguity of our current generation has given rise to a lawlessness that threatens to unravel society at the most fundamental level: the family unit. Statistics have shown that fathers play a significant role in the development of their children.  Children who have active fathers at home do much better in school, have fewer development problems, and are less likely to get into trouble with drugs, sex, and crime than kids who have fathers who are absent, inattentive, or abusive.

[...]

One of the most basic, most fundamental concepts in the Bible for building a strong, godly marriage is the principle of love and respect. We see in Ephesians 5 that God has commanded husbands to love their wives, and likewise for wives to respect their husbands.

It is very difficult, if not impossible, to build an intimate and strong marriage if this principle is not being practiced.

[...]

Most of us are living half lives.

We drift through our days without passion or purpose, worrying and fretting over the mundane details of life.

We go through the motions. We attend church. We pray (sometimes) and read our bibles (if we feel like it) and try to be good Christians (usually).

All the while life is passing us by, our chances to embrace our real purpose ebbing away as each day slips away.

We’re bored, and stressed, and busy.

And we’re oh so empty.

But we had a passion once.

[...]

Daniel Says: Hey everyone, it’s my pleasure to introduce my wife, Kelli. This is her first post for God’s Help For Marriage. Please give her a warm welcome.

I have been contemplating writing a blog for some time now, trying to think of a topic or whether or not I would even want to be a part of my husbands blog Gods Help for Marriage. I originally thought I would like to join his site to add a woman’s viewpoint since he kept getting opinionated comments from women about his controversial blogs. I have been hurt by some of the statements some of the women have made about my husband and our marriage. I thought by writing some posts on his site I could tell my side of the story and maybe ease the inquiring minds of these women who often times express concern for me.

[...]

I’ve harbored dreams of being a professional writer since I was kid.

I would lose myself in expansive fantasy worlds created by my favorite authors and dream of the day I would be a renowned fantasy writer.

And yet, how much time did I actually spend pursuing this dream? If I had this grand dream, wouldn’t I spend my free time spinning out as many stories as I could in order to master the craft of writing and storytelling?

But the truth is, my dream was nothing more than that: A dream. I never took it seriously enough to take action on it. I started a few stories that never got very far along.

[...]

“You NEVER help out around here!”

You are taken aback by these words. You’ve had a long and stressful day at work, and you’ve barely been home for 10 minutes. And now your wife is throwing this unjust accusation at you.

Who does she think she is?

[...]

One day my wife and I went shopping at Costco. I began to lead her in one direction fully expecting her to come along with me, but instead she seemed upset and asked me where I was going. Being the boneheaded man that I am, I didn’t tell her, but instead just motioned for her to follow me. Now she was beyond upset. In fact, she actually stormed off in the other direction. We did most of our shopping separately that day.

I was floored. I went to grab the double loaf of bread I had been aiming for, wondering what on Earth I had done wrong. I remember feeling very frustrated.

[...]

Do you ever feel clueless when it comes to communicating with your wife? You already know you need to communicate better with her. You are aware of the statistics on how many marriages end in divorce over this issue. But you feel frustrated because you just can’t seem to get it right. Your wife has probably let you know that she needs you to open up to her or communicate more with her. She may have even told you that she feels like there is no emotional connection between you.

If this is you, rest assured that you are not alone in your struggle. In fact, I understand where you are coming from all too well. What is a godly man to do in this situation?
[...]