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14 November 2015 ~ 0 Comments

6 Signs of a Happy and Healthy Marriage

Source: hafecheese

Source: hafecheese

Every marriage faces its share of troubles. Happy marriages are no exception. Arguments, money problems, and drifting apart due to the busyness of daily life are just a few of the struggles that couples face.

These challenges can make it difficult to keep a marriage strong. But these 6 signs can act as guideposts on the road to a happier, healthier marriage.

  1. You Have Fun Together

John Gottman writes about  the importance of what he calls the “fondness and affection system” in his bestselling book, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”. This is a fancy way of talking about the quality of the friendship between you and your spouse. […]

08 October 2015 ~ 0 Comments

5 Keys to Achieve Your Dreams As a Couple

sea-sunset-beach-coupleDo you and your spouse have big dreams as a couple?

I think this is something that my wife Kelli and I have been missing in our marriage until recently. I think that having big dreams feels a bit pretentious to most Christians. It’s easy to feel guilty because we think these dreams make us arrogant and selfish.

And pursuing my dreams is scary! What if I fail? What if I put all this hard work in and don’t get any results? […]

23 September 2015 ~ 3 Comments

5 Things To Do Everyday to be an Awesome Husband

food-couple-sweet-marriedI try to be the best husband I can to my wife. Believe it or not, this isn’t very complicated. Sometimes it isn’t easy, but it’s not rocket science. Some men think that being an awesome husband requires wooing their wife with epic romance, like something you might read in a Nicholas Sparks or Danielle Steele novel.[tweetthis display_mode=”button_link”]Some men think that being an awesome husband requires wooing their wife with epic romance.[/tweetthis]

Hey, surprising your wife with a romantic date ending in her finding a trail of rose petals leading to bed might be a nice gesture, but true romance is the little things you day to make your wife feel loved and appreciated.[tweetthis display_mode=”button_link”]true romance is the little things you day to make your wife feel loved and appreciated.[/tweetthis]. The big sweeping gestures are soon fade to nothing more than a fond memory.

To be an awesome husband, focus on those small things you can do each day.[tweetthis display_mode=”button_link”]To be an awesome husband, focus on those small things you can do each day.[/tweetthis]. Here’s 5 ideas to get you started: […]

19 March 2015 ~ 1 Comment

9 Ways I Struggle to Keep God at the Center of My Marriage

HandsDo you ever struggle to keep God at the center of your marriage?

I know I do. I love God and always want to keep Him at the center of my marriage and everything I do.

But as good as my intentions are, the reality is that I often push God aside. Not intentionally, but as a result of letting other things distract me from what is really important.

And the Bible promises us that God will take care of those who put Him first. The more I make my marriage about God instead of myself, the more successful my marriage will be.

So here is a list of 9 key things I struggle with, but will be focusing on improving to keep God at the center of my marriage. […]

29 January 2015 ~ 2 Comments

7 “Secrets” to Improve Your Marriage QUICKLY

I’m going to share 7 “secrets” to quickly improve your marriage.

You might be thinking: “These tips won’t work for MY marriage. It’s hopeless.”

But I’m going to show you why these strategies work for almost any marriage…

No matter what circumstances you are currently facing.

Because using these tips will allow you to change your circumstances, or grow from them. Even if they suck.

And none of these are actually secrets. But are you actually putting these tips to good work in your marriage?

I have to admit that I sometimes fail at all these areas myself. So I’m committing myself to to doing a better job with my wife, starting right now. […]

26 January 2015 ~ 5 Comments

5 Things I Would Say About Sex if I Had No Filter

5 things

I recently read this post By Julie about 9 things she would say about sex if she had no filter.

I decided to borrow her headline idea and create my own post on the subject. So here’s my list of things I would say about sex:

1. I love  sex (with my wife), and I’m proud of it:

As a Christian, I believe that great sex is a part of God’s design for marriage. So yes, I love sex and I’m proud of it.

But that wasn’t always the case.

I mean yes, I’ve always loved sex with my wife, but there was a time I was ashamed of my sexuality. I was raised in the Church, which taught me to avoid all things sexual like the plague. Sex was dirty, wrong, and shameful.

I was taught that sex is carnal, and therefore unspiritual.


19 January 2015 ~ 3 Comments

What Does the Bible ACTUALLY Say About Sex in Marriage?

What Does The Bible Say About Sex In Marriage














I recently sent out an email to my subscribers list where I said this:

Do you believe that sex is an important part of marriage?
I sure do.
In fact, as a Christian I believe that the Bible is all for sex…
As long as you keep it between you and your wife. Anything is fair game as long as you follow that one simple rule…
I had a reader email me back. She believes that this is a “formula for perversion and deceit”. I asked her to clarify what she meant by this, and she said that just because you’re married doesn’t mean you could engage in any sexual act. She said that God has guidelines for what married couples could do with each other.

Sex Acts The Bible Restricts

 I agree that there are guidelines. What does the Bible say about sex in marriage? It tells us not to engage in:
  • Adultery – Sex with someone other than your spouse (Exodus 20:14, Proverbs 5:1-20)
  • Fornication – Any sex outside of marriage, like premarital sex or threesomes (1 Corinthians 6:18)
  • Homosexuality – Sex with someone of the someone of the same gender (Leviticus 18:22)
  • Lusting after someone who is not your spouse – including porn (Matthew 5:28)
  • Bestiality – sex with an animal (Leviticus 18:23)
  • Incest – sex with close relatives (Leviticus 18:6-18)
  • Public nudity/sex (Genesis 3, God gave Adam and Eve clothing after the Fall)

These are all of the restrictions the Bible has against sexual acts. You can sum these up by saying that sex is only for husbands and wives.

The Bible is Pro Sex For Married Couples

But these aren’t the only guidelines the Bible gives about sex in marriage. These are just the restrictions. All of the other guidelines are very pro sex:

  • Do not deprive your spouse of sex (1 Corinthians 1:1-5)
  • Passionate kissing (Song of Solomon 1:2)
  • Sexual passion (Song of Solomon)
  • Oral sex  (Song of Solomon 2:3 and 4:16)
  • Enjoying your wife’s breasts (Prov 5:19)
  • Being intoxicated by your spouse (Prov 5:18-19)

Also notice what the Bible doesn’t say about married sex. The Bible is silent on manual sex (hand jobs). It also has nothing to say about masturbation, or anal sex, or what positions are allowed, or using objects (like sex toys) for sexual stimulation. I think it’s safe to assume that a husband and wife can enjoy any sexual activity they want, as long as it doesn’t involve anyone else and there is mutual consent.

I am convinced that God’s design is for married couples to enjoy frequent, passionate sex.

Participating in a wide variety of sex acts and positions is a great way to enhance the passion and intimacy of sex.

In fact, limiting sex to a handful of “approved” positions and activities can be downright harmful to your marriage. Sex can become boring if you always do the same things, every time. Limiting sex can also cause frustration and bitterness if the other spouse wants more than what you are willing to give.

This is why I encourage married couples to talk candidly an openly about their sexual desires and fantasies.

Now, none of this gives you permission to be selfish in how you approach sex. In fact, I believe the Biblical model is to practice generosity. Being generous includes being open to new things, but it also includes putting your spouse first. If your spouse finds a certain act or position to be painful or uncomfortable, be considerate of that.

There can be incredible shame and guilt associated with sex, or certain sex acts, especially for someone who was raised in the Church or was abused at some point. Your job is to lovingly help your spouse overcome these difficulties. Not to selfishly demand he or she do what you want.

As a final note, take a look at Jesus’ warning to the Pharisees in Matthew 15:8-9:

These people honor me with their lips,but their hearts are far from me.

Their worship is a farce, for they teach man-made ideas as commands from God.’


Further reading:

To Love, Honor and Vacuum: Can Christians Use Sex Toys? – Sheila argues that there is nothing wrong with sex toys per se, but explains why she thinks they are less than ideal.

The Marriage Bed: Is Masturbation a Sin? – For teens and parents. The article explains how masturbation may help teen boys stay sexually pure.


01 January 2015 ~ 7 Comments

15 Tips To Rock Your Marriage in 2015

2015Happy New Year!

It’s that time when bloggers around the world write list posts about how to make 2015 the best year ever.

I thought I’d follow suit with my own list post of 15 ways to rock your marriage in 2015.

10 July 2014 ~ 0 Comments

Should Marriage Be Hard?

broken heartThere’s no doubt that marriage can be really hard sometimes.

I like to talk about how marriage should make you holy more than happy. Facing and overcoming difficult times in your marriage can do a lot to help you develop godly character.

But marriage doesn’t always have to be hard. In fact, it shouldn’t be. I believe that marriage should make you both happy and holy, with a little more emphasis on the holy. And you can grow a lot from your marriage even when things aren’t hard, so the two aren’t mutually exclusive.

Unfortunately, a lot of what makes marriage hard for some people isn’t the big ticket issues, it’s a bunch of  little stuff that piles up together and makes things seem worse  than they really are.


09 July 2014 ~ 1 Comment

Headed for Divorce? Here’s How To Have A Happy Marriage Again

angry coupleAre you in an unhappy marriage?

Maybe you are on the verge of divorce, or you’re not quite there yet but worried that you’re headed in that direction. You may be discouraged by statistics that claim that 50% of marriages end in divorce and that there is barely any difference in the divorce rate for those who are in the church. It seems almost inevitable that you will end up as a part of those statistics. How can you possibly beat the odds?

I have good news for you.