29 January 2015 ~ 2 Comments

7 “Secrets” to Improve Your Marriage QUICKLY

I’m going to share 7 “secrets” to quickly improve your marriage.

You might be thinking: “These tips won’t work for MY marriage. It’s hopeless.”

But I’m going to show you why these strategies work for almost any marriage…

No matter what circumstances you are currently facing.

Because using these tips will allow you to change your circumstances, or grow from them. Even if they suck.

And none of these are actually secrets. But are you actually putting these tips to good work in your marriage?

I have to admit that I sometimes fail at all these areas myself. So I’m committing myself to to doing a better job with my wife, starting right now.

1. Be More Intentional:

Great marriages don’t happen by accident.

They are crated by couples who are intentional about doing the right things to make the marriage the best it can be.

This works best if both of you are working together to intentionally improve the relationship. But you can still change the entire dynamic of your marriage if you are the only one putting in the effort.

But the sad reality is that most couples are too distracted put in the effort.

And it doesn’t even have to be all that hard.

Yes, marriage takes work.

But it shouldn’t take hard work. Not most of the time, anyway.

It’s the small actions of kindness and service that make the biggest difference in a marriage.

Something simple like sending a few romantic text messages a day….

Or writing a heartfelt love letter every once in a while…

Or pursuing your spouse emotionally and sexually if you’re normally the one being pursued…

These can all work magic for your marriage.

You can start by being more intentional about the remaining 4 tips.

2. Change Your Mindset:

I’m going to let you in on a secret…

Your mindset is more important than your circumstances.

I believe that God designed marriage to make you both holy and happy. And yes, sometimes He uses difficult circumstances to challenge you, test you, and push you to grow. And sometimes these difficulties arise from the challenges you face in marriage.

Marriage can be a great incubator for spiritual growth.

But I believe that most of the challenges you face in marriage should be relatively minor.

And whatever challenges you do face (big or small) can be overcome if you have the right mindset.

Do you let these challenges drive a wedge between you and your spouse?

Or do you face them WITH your spouse and grow closer as a couple?

Do you let them weigh you down with regret and weariness?

Or do you recognize them as opportunities to learn and grow from?

You can always change your circumstances. Your results are determined by how you react to what happens to you. And how you react is determined largely by your mindset.

If you have a negative mindset, you will probably shove these challenges aside. Try to brush them under the rug. Pretend they don’t matter.

But with a positive mindset you can make the best of a bad situation.

3. Be More Awesome:

If you want to have an awesome marriage, BE AWESOME.

Here’s a quote by motivational writer Jim Rohn:

Your level of success will seldom exceed your level of personal development.

If you want your wife to respect you more, then be a man who inspires respect in her and in others. (Even though she should respect you unconditionally).

Or if you want your husband to show you more love, then inspire his passion. (Yes, he should love you unconditionally anyway).

So read books. Read blogs. Educate yourself. Figure out what you need to learn to be a better spouse, better parent, better Christian, and better person. And implement what you learn.

Ask God to help you grow into the man or woman He has designed you to be.

And do your best to excel at life. Without becoming a perfectionist.

4. Be More Generous:

I believe that one of the keys to a happy marriage is generosity.

The more you give, the more you get.

But for the best results, be especially generous in meeting your spouse’s core needs.

Needs like love and respect. Admiration and affection. Time and attention.

And of course, sex.

And not just ho-hum “let’s get it over with” sex.

Passionate and engaged sex.

Do you know your spouse’s love language?

Do you put intentional effort into speaking his or her love language, as much as possible?

Generosity is scientifically proven to make other people like you, and to make them want to do nice things for you.

So the more you do for your spouse, the more they will want to do for you.

5. Communicate Your Expectations:

I almost called this section “Be More Selfish”.

But I don’t really want you to be selfish. I want you to know what your needs and desires are, and to be more intentional about communicating those needs and desires to your spouse.

Some people say that expectations are bad for a marriage.

But the real problem is unreasonable expectations and uncommunicated expectations. These lead to resentment and bitterness.

But expectations are a normal and healthy part of every relationship. Employers expect their workers to perform their duties competently. Parents expect certain things of their kids. And couples have expectations of each other as well.

And you can’t really know if your expectations are unreasonable if you don’t talk about them. And you can’t hold it against your spouse if he or she fails to meet an expectation they don’t even know about.

As much as you need to do your best to meet your spouse’s core needs, you also need to make sure your spouse knows how to return the favor to meet your needs.

You’ll be running on empty soon if you keep pouring out into your spouse’s love tank without getting anything in return.

6. Pray with your spouse:

The couple that prays together, stays together.

Cliche, I know. But true. Praying with your spouse on a regular basis is one of the best ways to build intimacy and trust.

This is something I struggle with. I pray with my wife each night before bed, but it’s usually a little routine prayer that basically sounds the same every night.

So I’ll be looking for ways to make this less routine and more meaningful. This probably means I’ll have to get more vulnerable with what my hopes, dreams, and fears are.

7. Get Support:

The happiest couples know they can’t do marriage on their own.

Sometimes you have a problem that you just can’t talk to your spouse about.

Or at least not yet. You need support and encouragement from others to give you the courage to talk to your spouse, or to give advice on how to approach the conversation, or to just give you an empathetic ear when you’re struggling.

And successful couples have peers and mentors that they can model their own marriage after.

One of the key components to a healthy Christian life is to be in relationship with other believers.

And a healthy marriage is no exception.

However, don’t take this as a license to gossip with your girlfriends (or guy friends) about how your hubby (or wife) is doing it all wrong. This isn’t for complaining about your marriage or your spouse, but for building supportive relationships into your life.

And there may even be times when you need the help of a professional counselor or coach to help you through the more difficult challenges you face in marriage.

So there you have it, my 7 best tips to improve your marriage quickly. Do you have any tips that you would add? Let us know in the comments section below.

And share this post with your friends if you think it would be helpful.

For more tips, download my free report: 3 Simple Keys to Create More Passion and Intimacy in Your Marriage.

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2 Responses to “7 “Secrets” to Improve Your Marriage QUICKLY”

  1. Naza 4 October 2015 at 3:46 pm Permalink

    Thanks for this article, am blessed. I got the link to ur blog tru an article u posted in peaceful wives blog on emotional distant husband, u said it was a wrong move to tell your husband how open u want him 2 be but no 5 here says communicate ur expectations, pls I need more light. Thanks

    • Daniel Robertson 4 October 2015 at 4:21 pm Permalink

      Thanks for reading. As to your question, I would say that communicating your needs IS important.

      What I was trying to get across in that other post, is if you focus on his core needs he’ll find it easier to open up to you.

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