The other day I was watching one of the polygamy reality shows on TV. I don’t agree with polygamy, but I do think that watching these shows gives an interesting look into a different family and marriage structure.
The husband on the show started a policy of “safe talks” among his wives. Basically, he wanted them to feel safe bringing their issues to each other. If one wife was having problems with another, he wanted the offended wife to feel safe in approaching the offender.
One wife was a bit more vocal than the others and apparently she had accidentally offended some of them. They came to her wanting to have “safe talks” and she felt very judged and felt insecure for having caused the offenses.
So she went to the husband because she didn’t think the policy would work for her. She felt that he was pressuring her to be open to these talks. During the argument she said “Don’t change me!”
This echoes common marriage advice that you can’t and shouldn’t try to change your spouse. I think this is bad advice.