18 October 2013 ~ 0 Comments

5 Powerfully Effective Ways to Build an Intimate Marriage

intimate coupleOne of the most common struggles in marriages today is the difficult challenge of maintaining intimacy once the “honeymoon phase” ends. It’s easy to let yourself get so busy with work, kids, church responsibilities and the daily grind of life that spending time focusing on your relationship can be difficult.

This is something I struggle with in my own marriage. I am away at my day job for 10 hours a day, 5 days a week if you include the 1 hour commute each way. By the time I get home my wife and I are both tired, but there’s still dinner to be made and dishes to be washed and kids to be put to bed. And a newborn that may or may not  stay up all night because she isn’t old enough to have a real bedtime yet.

So we don’t really get all that much time to ourselves. The time we do get is when we are both exhausted and ready to call it a day.

It would be really easy for us to drift apart during this time, especially considering that my natural tendency is to be emotionally closed off.

That’s why it is essential for us to spend dedicated time when we can just focus on our relationship. If you want to learn how to build an intimate marriage here are some tips that we have learned (or are still learning) that you can use:

1. Intimacy Is Not A Feeling

Emotional intimacy is not a feeling. It is a bond that goes much deeper than emotions. You can have an intimate relationship even if you aren’t feeling very charitable toward your spouse at any given moment. If you are in the middle of a fight or your husband (or wife) falls asleep in the middle of a conversation that doesn’t necessarily mean the intimacy is gone. God allows us to go through challenging times in marriage to build our character. An intimate couple will recognize these challenges for what they are and come back together again as a team.

2. Commitment Is Key To Intimacy

Before my wife and I got married, we had a discussion about divorce. We agreed that it is not an option for us. We even made a commitment not to use the “d word” in regards to our relationship. I’ve seen couples use divorce as a threat to manipulate their spouse. At least one of these couples is no longer married.

The best way to create intimacy through commitment is to communicate that commitment regularly. If you have ever used the “d word” as a threat go apologize to your spouse tell him/her that you are committing not to do it again. Reaffirm your marriage vows.

Men: women tend to worry about the security of your marriage more than you do. Take that worry away from her, tell her you are still committed to the relationship.

3. Draw From The Well Of Love

God is the well of love. Drawing His love into you will enable you to better love your husband or wife. If you have a hard time believing that God loves you it will be harder to build an intimate marriage. Seek God together through prayer, Bible study, and worship. I find that doing a devotional with my wife really helps us build intimacy in our relationship.

4. Have Some Fun Together

It’s hard to keep intimacy strong in your relationship if there is no fun in your marriage. Take some time to do fun stuff together. Go on dates. Play board games. Or video games for that matter. Tell corny jokes. Whatever. Just have fun once in a while.

5. Sex is Intimacy Too

Speaking of fun, sex is an essential ingredient if you want to have an intimate relationship. Sex is God’s gift to married couples, and it is an important part of any healthy marriage. A lot of Christians struggle with this, because it is treated as taboo in most Christian circles. Don’t be ashamed of your sexuality.

You really can’t have emotional intimacy in marriage without sexual intimacy.

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