There’s no doubt that marriage can be really hard sometimes.
I like to talk about how marriage should make you holy more than happy. Facing and overcoming difficult times in your marriage can do a lot to help you develop godly character.
But marriage doesn’t always have to be hard. In fact, it shouldn’t be. I believe that marriage should make you both happy and holy, with a little more emphasis on the holy. And you can grow a lot from your marriage even when things aren’t hard, so the two aren’t mutually exclusive.
Unfortunately, a lot of what makes marriage hard for some people isn’t the big ticket issues, it’s a bunch of little stuff that piles up together and makes things seem worse than they really are.
It’s like when you look at your house, and it looks completely trashed. You want to get it clean, but there’s toys everywhere, and trash, and dirty clothes, and cereal and goldfish crackers that the kids threw all over in a fit. It looks like such a mess and you don’t know where to start.
But you start picking things up and pretty quickly you realize that it’s mostly easy stuff like throwing clothes in the hamper and putting toys in their bins. It starts to clear up and look nice again with just a little effort. After 15 minutes it looks mostly clean again.
Sometimes it can be easy to get overwhelmed with all of the little problems facing you in your marriage. You might feel hopeless, like it’s such a big mess and you don’t know where to start.
Start with the simple stuff. Reassure each other of your love and respect and your commitment to the marriage. Take some time to reconnect. Read the Bible and pray together. Do something fun together, even if you just play a few games of Battleship (or strip Battleship) after the kids go to bed.
The small things make a huge difference.
In fact, they make all the difference. You don’t need to take a week long vacation to somewhere exotic to get back on track. Take a date night to get reconnected, even if it’s talking a walk around the block once the kids are in bed.
Pretty soon, the little problems will be cleared away and the relationship will be much better. There might still be some bigger issues to deal with, but that’s much easier to do when all the little stuff isn’t such a distraction. It doesn’t seem so overwhelming anymore.
Pick up a Christian marriage book like Save Your Christian Marriage to help you get the right perspective and get back on the right track.