Keep a Regular Date Night:
INTRODUCE DATES NIGHTS IDEAS, Not to talk or discuss families or relationships issues!!!! but to just enjoy life and build memories together ( Movies, walks, weekend away, dinner, lunch, supper, game night etc for just the 2 of you).
We do a date night every other Friday then the alternative Friday is family night…weather permitting we do a bonfire.
Keep a once a week date night. It must focus on your relationship and not the things that are day to day life.
A date once a month at the restaurant of your spouse.
- Date night that’s still a date when you get home.
Ideas for What to do on a Date: […]
The other day I was watching one of the polygamy reality shows on TV. I don’t agree with polygamy, but I do think that watching these shows gives an interesting look into a different family and marriage structure.
The husband on the show started a policy of “safe talks” among his wives. Basically, he wanted them to feel safe bringing their issues to each other. If one wife was having problems with another, he wanted the offended wife to feel safe in approaching the offender.
One wife was a bit more vocal than the others and apparently she had accidentally offended some of them. They came to her wanting to have “safe talks” and she felt very judged and felt insecure for having caused the offenses.
So she went to the husband because she didn’t think the policy would work for her. She felt that he was pressuring her to be open to these talks. During the argument she said “Don’t change me!”
This echoes common marriage advice that you can’t and shouldn’t try to change your spouse. I think this is bad advice.
Some time ago I wrote a post about how wives can deal with an emotionally distant husband. That post was mostly on how to understand why your husband is so closed off and how to use that knowledge to extend grace. In this post I will share some tips on how you can actually help him open up to you.
I’m a huge believer in the concept of love and respect. I also believe they go both ways, husbands and wives both need love and respect. However, there is one important area where I may not agree with the majority on this subject.
Many people talk about the importance of making your spouse feel loved or respected. I think that they believe it is the duty of a husband to make sure his wife feels loved, and likewise it is the duty of a wife to make her husband feel respected. The problem with this is that it takes headship away from the husband and holds the marriage captive to emotions.
Even if you believe in mutual submission (which I don’t), headship is not in the hands of the couple or Christ in this scenario. This is because emotions are very difficult to control.
This hack is known as the Pareto principle, sometimes called the 80/20 rule. In its most basic form, the Pareto principle states that 80 percent of a cause results in 20 percent of an effect (or vice versa). There are many variations to this rule, such as:
- 80% of books are sold by 20% of authors
- 80% the wealth is controlled by 20% of the population
- 80% of marketing results in 20% of sales
- 80% of your efforts produce 20% of your results
It’s this last one that we want to look at. In business, this means that 80% of what the employees spend their time on isn’t doing much to help the company. Conversely, only 20% of time is spent on tasks that actually get results. Productivity coaches teach executives, managers, and employees to weed out those ineffective tasks and instead focus their time and effort on the other 20% that get 80% of the results.
So how can you apply this simple principle to your marriage?
I’m a big believer in the power of your words to improve your marriage.
It is all too easy to forget this power. You can easily get so caught up in the day to day routine that the opportunities to encourage and appreciate your wife can slip away before you know it.
Yet taking a few seconds each day to let your wife know you value her is one of the simplest, most powerful things you can do to strengthen your relationship. It has the amazing ability to warm her heart, make her feel loved and give her a sense of security and confidence in your relationship. […]
I used to scoff when someone would say that you can’t have a healthy marriage without fighting. I thought that fighting was a bad thing, and so obviously a couple that fights often must not have a healthy relationship.
But the reality is that we are all fallen people living in a sinful world. Anytime you get two people living in close quarters together there is going plenty of fuel for arguments. This is especially true when you have kids, because with each kid you are adding another fallen person into the mix, and one who is still developing their sense of right and wrong.
And there is nothing inherently wrong with conflict itself. In fact, learning to deal with conflict in a healthy way is an important part of building a successful marriage.
One of the most common struggles in marriages today is the difficult challenge of maintaining intimacy once the “honeymoon phase” ends. It’s easy to let yourself get so busy with work, kids, church responsibilities and the daily grind of life that spending time focusing on your relationship can be difficult.
If a husband does not feel respected, he cannot feel loved
- “I do not need you to tell me what to do.”
- “I am a grown man”.
- “I hear this every month when you get ready to start your period.”
- “You worry over EVERYTHING, Honey.”
- “You never believe me when I tell you things”.
- “Have a little faith in me.”
- “Do you not even believe in me that much?”
- “I can’t please you. If I don’t do what you want, you are unhappy. If I do what you want, you say I am only doing it because you told me to.”
- “I can’t win here.”
- “I am in a no win situation.”
- “It is the same thing, over and over with you.”
- “What hurts me the most is that you don’t trust me with the kids.” (I know he would NEVER let anything happen to our children. I just wish he was more cautious with them. STILL and issue I am going to have to confront it at some point but I need to deal with simply letting go first).
- “No man wants to be without respect.”
- “Trust me.”
- “You always believe the worst about me.”
- “No man wants to be talked to like that.” (in reference to a couple we know)
- “She talks to him like a dog.” (in reference to a couple we know)
- “I told you I would take care of it.”
- “You don’t believe me when I DO compliment you.”